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I am a little concerned about the ease at which society creates needs that I'm slowly starting to feel essential even though I would have been critical of them in the past. I'm feeling a little bit uneasy about the extent to which I'm getting addicted to online communication! I cannot believe I'm writing this post from my phone. It is strange. Almost as if I didn't know myself. Sometimes I feel I would like to seek shelter from modern life in a remote evergreen forest by a crystalline sea. But I'm not sure that is a genuine need or just a reaction from being overwhelmed with modern life. Until then I should find a way to reduce myself to unecessary exposure to wireless devices, even though I am a good candidate on my way to have a cell phone implanted directly in my brain. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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Due to my throat configuration... I think that if I were animal I would be...

I'm so funny! Aren't I?
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On a very random note...
In the back of my throat I have these two really deep holes in which I could store an entire elephant.
It's so weird. I thought I could reach my brain through them. But actually, wikepedia taught me that some people throats configurations are like that and they get tonsilloliths!!!Look it up, it disgusting! But I have to stick my finger really deep in my throat and get me out on regular basis.
I knew I was an alien, this is just another hint!

These are not mine, but the one I got this morning was almost the same size.
Gross, eh?
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I realize I have not posted anything in more than a year. I guess I have drifted away from this mode of communication looking for something else.
I think that summaries would probably be futile. Most people on here probably forgot about me.
I don't know if I should start posting again. Maybe I should.
I am about to graduate from my 4 year BFA program in Film and next... I don't know what I want from my life at the moment, but I will probably continue school right away and take another undergraduate degree, in psychology and potentially in sexuality studies.
My mother and her new family now live in Canada which makes things problematic. This is no longer a space within which I feel comfortable creating a new life... but maybe for once I should stop analyzing and just live.
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Bjork
Moloko Goldfrapp Annie Emiliana Torrini Inara George Lamb M.I.A. Air Massive Attack Basement Jaxx Nouvelle Vague Zero 7 Ladytron Cocorosie Portishead Feist Madonna Lcd Soundsystem Scissor Sisters |
| » Back in Croatia |
Hey there,
Just in case anybdoy is around, I am back in Rijeka until the 19th of February.
I am very busy collecting documents, visiting dentists and family members, but in case you wanna go out for coffee you can reach me at several numbers.
You can try my Canadian cell: +1 647 895 5012 Or my mother's house: +385 51 681 871 Or my father's house: +385 51 224 749
Ok, will updated with photos once I am back to Canada!
Feb. 10th, 2008 @ 03:41 am
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| » 2008 |
I am not sure how to use this blog anymore and am increasingly skeptical about its efficacy when it comes in mantaining or developing genuine human relationships. Anyways, I will take advantage of this rare occassion that I have logged onto livejournal to very briefly summarize the last couple of months of my life.
Accident and Surgery
I have had an accident in late October and ever since I could not breathe properly and my nose was deformed, so on the 3rd of January I had a surgery during which they have reconstructed my nose from inside and outside. No worries, I still look amazing... haha!
Tomorrow morning I am going to go to the hospital so that they can take couple of plastic splint from my nasal cavity out and take the cast off the outer part of my nose. So tomorrow I will finally see what my new nose will look like.
I had surgery before but this time I was unreasonably anxious about the impact of anaesthesia. I do not like the feeling of the cool anaesthetic travelling up my blood vessels in my hand to my brain and do not like when they put the oxygen mask on you, even though you are not completely asleep yet.
However, I did wake up, and from then onwards I only had to endure couple of days of vomiting and pains and I am already doing much better now.
Wallet Theft
Another highlight of the last couple of months has been the theft of my wallet and along with it of many important and expensive to replace documents. I was working at university couple of weeks ago, when my coordinator asked me to look after my bag while I was giving a tour of the fine arts faculty facilities to couple of perspective students. While I was away, she left her office for couple of minutes to go to the washroom or whatever, and during that time somebody took advantage of her absence and stole my bag along with my wallet and the only copy I had of the documentary footage that I have collected over the last couple of months.
I was pretty upset by the entire fact, but things fall back into place, because the thief actually discarded my bag on the way out and only took the wallet, so that at least my documentary footage is still with me. For what it concerns the money and the documents, ever since I have been trying to get everything back to normal but of course, the theft and the surgery prevented me to go and visit my family in Croatia during the holidays season.
Relationship
For the last couple of months I have been in a committed, yet open, relationship with my partner who is several years older than me. Even though we had some ups and downs, this aspect of my life proves to be very positive and enabled me to reconsider several of my position in life. Along with a process of self-discovery, I have managed to reduce drastically on the dosage of my anti-depressants and am gradually expecting to go off them by March.
Another development that may take place along with the relationship with my partner, it has been almost 9 months by now, is that I might be able to ask for permanent residency on basis of a conjugal relationship, that does not necessarely imply neither formal marriage nor living together at this point of time. Acquiring permanent residency status would be something extremely positive being that my tuition fees would drop do be 32% of what they currently are and I would also be elegible for several scholarships, on top of being elegible to become a Canadian citizen within two year time.
Plans for the Future
At the moment I am taking things easy, working on my documentary, going to school, developing my relationship and amazing friendships I have acquired during the last couple of months (Magdalena, Stephanie, Owen, etc.) but apart from that I am trying to focus on how to make the present be more pleasant without putting too much pressure on myself and on the people around me.
I have recently bought an electric keyboard so that I can practice piano on regular basis, and am waiting impatiently to heal from my surgery so that I can continue singing with my jazz vocal private teacher that has told me that I have perfect pitch and on several occassions caused my ego to almost burst due to flattery!
Being that I was not able to go and visit Croatia during the holidays season, if I manage to win my battle with Alitalia and get the airmiles that I deserve being credited onto my account in time, I am planning onto going to visit Croatia for about two weeks in February. It would be great to meet any of you if you are there during that period so let me know.
Ok, for now that's it... I will still have to decide whether I think if livejournal is something that I want to keep going on with or not.
Talk to you soon,
René
Jan. 8th, 2008 @ 10:57 pm
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| » Deleting my LJ |
I have decided that I probably do not need this journal anymore. On top of not having time for it, lately I have been having a real life, filled with real people and tangible activities, and it just seems that I do not need an outlet that does not reach anybody who is anyhow involved in what is going on in my everyday life. As soon as I have some time I will probably store some entries and then delete this account.
Oct. 10th, 2007 @ 11:54 am
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| » In Australia on Vacation |
Just for those who may be wondering if I am still alive or not... from the 22nd of August I am finally on vacation and I have flown to Australia to visit my bestfriend misonou that lives here in Melbourne. I have lots of stories to tell however I have to little time here to be able to sit down in front of a computer and give a detailed account of what is going on. I will be posting lots of photos as soon as I download them on the computer.
I will be back in Toronto on the 11th of September.
Sep. 4th, 2007 @ 07:07 pm
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| » Visa Delivered! |
Today, after a long day of work and lecture, I came home and on my door, there it stood in all of its magnificence... a package sent by the Australian High Commission in Ottawa, with my passport inside, on which, to my pleasure, I found an orange sticker allowing me to travel to Australia and stay there for three months at the time as many times I want in the next one year period. misonou was trying to scare me telling me that I was not going to be able to get my visa in time to catch my flight on the 23rd of August, and yet I got it in three business days, and even though I asked for a three weeks long visa, they gave it to me for a year! Sweet deal, eh?
Apart from that, I am almost done with my summer courses and by the 8th of August I will not have to worry about studying anymore. Around the same time I am also going to be over with my summer job that only extends up to the 10th of August, so I will have some time to get myself ready for my third year, to sort out my bureaucratic situation and see what I can do to get a permanent residency in Canada and try to find a good part time job, preferably at university for the coming school year.
Jul. 26th, 2007 @ 10:58 pm
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| » Visa Time! |
Tickets were bought, the itenerary is the following:
22nd August
Toronto --> Buffalo
23rd August
Buffalo --> Cleveland --> Los Angeles
24th August
Los Angeles --> Sydney
25th August
Sydney --> Melbourne
And then back to Toronto, leaving Melbourne on the morning of the 10th of September.
Due to my lovely citizenship and the way it is usually perceived by English speaking countries, I spent the last couple of days collecting documents and have a thick stuck of papers to send to the Australian Embassy in Ottawa so that they issue a tourist visa for me.
I think I should be fine, especially after having gone through the last big overview of every single piece of information tonight for hours. However, one never knows with the Australian Government, that is for some reason super strict on visas and immigration, as if somebody wanted to immigrate to a country that is 90% desert and has the highest amount of poisoness animals in the world, along with the fact that is one of the most isolated and culturally dull British colonies.
Anyways, my reasons for going there are the following:
1. Spend time with misonou;
2. Look at the starts one can see on the souther hemisphere;
3. Make sure that the toilet flushes the other way around due to the coreolis force in the southern hemisphere;
4. Establish how pervasive and obliterating English colonial culture is.
Tomorrow I will be sending all of the documents by super-expensive, fast and insured post! I am crossing my fingers and hoping to receive the visa in type for my journey on the 22nd!
Jul. 18th, 2007 @ 11:47 pm
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| » "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin |
Among other things, I am reading Kate Chopin's "The Awakening". Chopin is a author from the central united states that rose to a considerable amount of fame in the St. Louis literary community at the end of the 19th century until the publishing of "The Awekening" has thrust her into oblivion due to the supposedly controversial themes she has approached in the novel.
I am at about 2/3 to the end of the novel so I would not want to give finalizing opinions and speak about impressions yet, however I find it significant that the fact that a woman writes about the female condition as being often excessively restrained and shaped by the institutionalization of love into marriage, might be something that creates such clamour.
I have never put too much interest thus far in exploring the attitudes and opinions towards sexual emancipation in Europe and other parts of the world until I started realizing that many modes of behaviour, legacies of a romantic understanding of human relationship, are still widely affecting society.
Especially when it comes to women, there is a general tendency that is not so different from Chopin's work even though it was published in the late 19th century, to think of a women as somewhat incomplete and partial if she does not associate to a male and perpetuates her maternal role.
Women claiming sexual agency are precipiteously labelled as whores and legislation is in place even nowadays to enable women to take part in a wider range of societal acitvities if married (cfr. applying for a loan, obtaining family and social recognition)...
It is almost as if the freelance woman, the empowered woman that has decided to break off her feminine role and explore her identity and sexuality in relation to her own body and desires is the devil that needs to be tamed in order to mantain the capitalist system running, reliant on mainly patriarchal reliance on a nuclear family.
The more I am aware of how much suffering and societal pressure is excersiced on women or on anybody that wants to play according to another set of rules diverging from the nuclear family mode, the more I am disgusted by humankind in general and the more I am hungry for knowledge in order to be less angry and more proactive eventually acquiring the faculties necessary for a proactive approach.
It is too early in the morning to expand on Chopin's text in detail and I have too many essays and readings to get done before starting working this evening that I wll for now abstein from feminist discourse, however, I must really say that I feel becoming more and more impowered by the material that we are covering in my summer courses studying the intersection of gender, society, sexuality and cultural production.
Jul. 14th, 2007 @ 09:46 am
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| » Continent Number 4 on the Horizon! |
Wow, I have not been updating this thing for such a long time that I barely recognize this website now that they have added all of these features. I never know how to fill the gap for the weeks of silence in which I have indulged and saying that I was busy always seems to be a simplistic excuse... but let's say that I am keeping myself busy so that I can prevent myself from thinking until I am ready to have some mental space on my own and probably make some decisions that are going to have an impact on my future.
I have not been having any psychiatric problems in the last couple of months and I have been able to have a decent amount of money flowing into my account at regular periods of time by working my ass off at two and a half jobs, that add up to about 60 hours of work per week.
I am also still taking 15 credits of summer courses and so far it seems that I am going to be scoring at least A's, so I cannot really complain. I must admit that I have proven to myself that I am able to be responsible and to provide for myself and this is slowly contributing to a positive cycle that seems to be elevating me to a higher degree of self-confidence that is something I desperately need after having had my brain disected by my family's bitterness and behavioural pathologies.
I am also in a stable relationship and I am having fun discovering how methodism can sometimes turn me in an extremely boring and asexual individual... but I will speak about this at a later point of time. For now I am focusing on getting everything done, school, jobs, visas, plans, etc. so that ont he 23rd of August I can leave for Australia.
Yup, I am indeed going to Australia to visit Jana for little more than two weeks before starting my third year. Financially it is suicide, but I have an organic and compulsive need to reset certain behavioural and mental patterns and get in touch with myself and people who are important in my life in order to be genuinely able to restructure my existence.
Ok, this is it for now. My shift at the restaurant was cancelled tonight, so I will take advantage of that and study in advance for the next couple of days so that I avoid cramming at the last moment! I am such a good boy! So diligent and proper! I do not even masturbate anymore! I really need a vacation!!!
Jul. 13th, 2007 @ 06:45 pm
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| » Almost Summer |
Dear friends and foes,
I am still alive, working my ass off but generally enjoying my life. Summer is in full blown and everything is intensely green and scented. Toronto comes back from the death every May and blossoms in the most beautiful place I have ever lived in, only to return to a state of complete depression and greyness 6 months later, returing to its winter appearence.
I am working at the Fine Arts Faculty of my university and having quite a bit of fun. I am advising students picking their courses and therefore helping people shaping their future in a certain sense. It feels good to work with people who often have similar interests to mine and I also feel great to be allowed to work in a somewhat more relaxed atmosphere than last's summer job at Hospitality York that contributed to my total mental breakdown last fall.
On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays I am taking summer courses, both out of personal interest and because I have to increase my average, which is currently in th B+ range, back to an A, so that I can be re-assigned my $11,000 scholarship for my third year. I am taking very interesting courses studying concepts of gender, sexuality and sex from a philosophical, historical, literary and sociological point of view.
On weekends I am working as a caterer and this sunday I am going to sit for my bartending exam and hopefully pass it so that I can start making tons of money in tips in some pub or club downtown.
My life is pretty circular and busy in nature, so there is not much I can write about apart from the everyday serendipitous sprouts of random beauty that are always there for those who look for the in the world.
Jana, I am sorry for not keeping in touch but I often think about you and I will call you as soon as I have some spare time and money.
May. 31st, 2007 @ 11:08 am
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| » Mass Message |
To friends on all continents and beliefs, I am so sorry if I have dissapeared from your lives but lately I have been extremely busy even though I have been feeling very good.
I am working full time for the Fine Arts Department at my university and I am also taking three summer courses in order to increase my grade point average so that my scholarship is renewed for my third year.
I am also taking a bartending course during the weekends and I as soon as I am done with it I will start looking for a job in a pub or fancy restaurant so that I can make some extre money in tips.
I have lots of debts and I am still trying to coordinate a humble life and diet with a very busy lifestyle, that is why my presence on the internet is very reduced and I am barely using livejournal anymore.
However, as soon as I stabilize a little, I will start posting with a degree of regularity again. Hope you are all having a great summer and that everything is fine with you, and for those who live in the southern hemisphere, haha, I am happy it is finally cooling down for you... you deserve some winter!
May. 14th, 2007 @ 03:28 pm
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| » Some Theory |
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Feminist Readings of the Representation of Womanhood Critical Analysis of Determinants within Patriarchal Capitalism Cinema is often a mirror in which, in Lacanian terms, one projects his or her own idealized self stripped from the constraints of movement of which the child becomes aware during the primary formation of the ego. If I look at myself in the mirror, what do I see? A white, Eastern-European, queer male? What are the parameters that define one’s identity and what are the circumstances that allow one to categorize one’s complexity of existence? Why would it not be appropriate to think of myself in terms of my height, weight, eye colour and taste in music rather than focusing on my race, ethnicity and sexual orientation? How are categories generated? What is their reflection like in the societal mirrors that surround us? Am I living up to the screens and mirror images that so profoundly rule my existence? From these, seemingly egocentric premises, I want to look into one of the most firmly consolidated categorization of a section of humankind that has only recently been challenged: the yonic, the womb, the female, womanhood. From the point of view of a cinema theorist, one could argue that my concerns with issues of womanhood and the semiological analysis of the means by which meaning is attached to one’s gender, is unrelated and only indirectly pertinent to the cinematic institution. One could easily argue that cinema is merely a means of expression of the auteur’s voice. Playing the devil’s advocate, I could quote Modleski, who in her response to Mulvey’s seminal essay “Visual Pleasure in Narrative Cinema” states, the following: “The feminist critics I have mentioned (Mulvey) […] use Hitchcock’s work as a means to elucidate issues and problems relevant to women in patriarchy. In so doing these critics implicitly challenge and decentre directorial authority by considering Hitchcock’s work as the expression of cultural attitudes and practices existing to some extent outside the artist’s control.” (Modleski, 3) Modleski thus seems to negate that the pro-filmic subject, selected by the auteur in creating the cinematic product, displays significant symptoms of submission to means of categorization and shaping of reality, legacy of the dominant ideology of patriarchal capitalism. I feel that the initial identification of the auteur, in this case Hitchcock, with the idealized mirror of his ego that he then reproduces in his films, in Modleski’s words, is free from a predetermined background that yields the initial image to be reflected in the mirror. Paradoxically, it seems she argues that the process of selection and creation of the filmic product is one of expression of the authorial voice alone, without considering that the tone and the words used by this voice are themselves predetermined by the environment where the pro-filmic subject is to be found in the first place. An inexperienced reader might ask him/herself: how does the fact that the creative power of an auteur is shaped by the dominant ideology correlate to the means by which categories are determined? How does the mere reflection of the world onto a screen define the pro-filmic subject itself? In other words: how can a photograph merely chemically reproducing a compressed bi-dimensional transposition of a human image, determine and perpetuate the existence of categories and therefore asymmetrical power dynamics within society? I do not hold the answers to these questions, nor do I want to indicate that the solutions to such a riddle can be easily extrapolated from our everyday context. However, in this short essay looking at the ways in which categories are often manufactured by the subconscious, I want to elicit a critical approach in the viewer. I want to initiate a process of questioning of otherwise invisible dynamics that have bled from the dominant ideology we are immersed in, onto the silver screen. By taking in consideration Modleski’s theoretical work and juxtaposing it to Mulvey’s, I would like to bring to light my own vision on how I see womanhood being defined, represented and perpetuated in media today. For practical reasons and the lack of the appropriate space for the development of my argument, I will narrow down the examples I would like to bring onto the critic’s table to Hitchcock’s Rear Window that lends itself easily to clarifying the clash between Modleski and Mulvey and my own research of the means of representation of womanhood in media. Before attempting to deconstruct the categories that one often finds him/herself trapped within, I would like to bring up couple of examples of how media shape and guide the formation of the dominant ideology, which eventually helps constituting a very firm divide of humankind along gender lines. After clarifying the means by which I see the audience being manipulated by the invisible selection processes of the meaning genesis in media, I would like to put these processes in perspective and superimpose them on the ideological clash between Modleski and Mulvey. Only after portraying the ultimate manufactured nature of the societal construct of gender, I will try to hypothesise that a quest for a new redefined inquisitive nature of cinema spectatorship, may spur a domino effect that will bring to light other categories that we are unconsciously surrounded and defined by. By means of feminist analysis, I hope that film and film critiques may acquire a new scope, which will eventually help us make sense of the processes of generation of the idealized self that we seek in the mirrors and screens that blind us everyday with their persuasive depiction of who we are. Coming back to the beginning of this essay, before looking at some cardinal examples of representation, and therefore definition of womanhood in media, I feel the need to justify my choice of engaging in this social analysis by quoting Entman and Rojecki that have justified anthropologists’ and sociologists’ efforts in gaining insight in humankind by means of analysing media, especially cinema: “researchers have consistently noted that because of the widespread segregation of people’s social lives (due to the capitalist post-industrial class system), most of what people learn about (the) other […] comes from the media and not personal experiences” (Cole, 196). Lynn Edith Paulson further builds on this point by observing that: “… film television, print media or popular culture do not serve the function of representing the real world so much as they reveal, reinforce, and shape the cultural beliefs, values, and myths held about the ‘real world’” (Cole, 35). Narrowing down the means by which cinema shapes the very subject it represents and thus creates “the most effective kind of propaganda, the one which is not recognized as such” (Cole, 94), I want to focus on couple of examples on how womanhood is depicted in popular cinema. There is no doubt that the feminist and social rights movement spurred by the protests against the War in Vietnam, by the resistance to the efforts of North American society to re-incorporate women in their traditional roles after the men came back from WWII, has deeply transformed the representation of women in cinema. However, rather than questioning the validity of a distinction along gender lines, “the role models of women changed from one narrow and unrealistic ideal (the beautiful, contented housewife) to another (the beautiful, smart, and athletic private detective)” (Cole, 61). More “than thirty years later (the first inklings of feminist movements) the non-conscious ideology of sexism continues to rule” (Cole, 73). The dominant ideology of capitalism does not allow for a fluid understanding of the roles assigned to its subjugated subjects because this awareness could easily contribute destabilizing the very premises of the ideology’s adequacy. Patriarchy, the ideological umbrella that has reinforced and promoted division according gender lines in order to guarantee the sustenance of the primitive role attribution along lines of biological determinants, is still perpetuating the procreative and child-rearing aspects of womanhood as its primary purpose. Within this framework, capitalism thrives on the unequal division of labour reinforced by patriarchy that allows for the very basic unit of family, male and female and their offspring, to feed its economy. If women were to redefine their role within humankind according to other determinants other than that of procreation (to say the least redundant in this overpopulated planet with limited resources), this could jeopardize the very existence of capitalism. The dominant ideology would then need to bend to a new societal structure, based on the personal affiliation to a function within society rather than on a predetermined patriarchal power hierarchy. The fear and the resistance to a fluid understanding of the identity of women within the construct of womanhood can be observed in examples as banal as the representation of female psychologist in mainstream Hollywood cinema. Psychology has often been seen, especially after the revolutionary theories brought forward by Freudian psychodynamics, as a means by which to reach the most remote parts of the human soul. Psychology has thus often been identified as a very strong power tool in shaping the human mind, by consequence a tool deemed inappropriate for women to use within their submissive role defined by patriarchy. For years one has seen an under-representation of female psychologists within the American Psychological Association, but even when the trend has finally been reversed, the contribution of media, above all Hollywood has been more than eager to discredit the ability of women to assume such a prestigious role as the one of “the ruler of one’s mind”. “Female psychologists (studying the phenomenon) have identified a pattern in which female psychotherapists start out as cold intellectual professional women with no romantic attachments. In movie after movie they are eventually cured of this problem by falling in love with her male patient, who diagnoses her, sweeps her off her feet, and shows her how to become a true woman, loving and submissive” (Cole, 103). The reluctance of the patriarchal system to accept women’s integrity and independence from male’s approval and guidance appears also when it comes to treatment of violence in media. The fear of the “otherness” of the sexual difference in women and the potential of negation of the importance of such difference can be seen in another aspect of media and cinema that often depicts female violence as something so sensational to be regarded as a “spectacle of the unnatural”. “The first thought that probably comes to mind when people hear about a woman who has committed a murder is that a crime against nature has occurred. That is, primarily a crime against her culturally prescribed nature” (Cole, 133). Even in films that celebrate the rebellious nature of women embracing their violent side and instincts of competition (e.g.: Ridley’s Scott’s: Thelma & Louise), such threat is easily mediated by having “bad women meet a bad end, and good women put down the gun or drive of a cliff” (Cole, 132). The fear of the ruling ideology of allowing the breaking down of the categories within which women have found themselves defined as the “other”, is so great and pervasive that it projects itself on men themselves, that are cautious from identifying with a female, for fear of taking on attributes of the submissive consumer of male manufactured ideological goods that the women are seen as within patriarchy. After this seemingly unrelated analysis of the representation of a certain aspect of womanhood in dominant media and cinema, that I recognize being absolutely partial and incomplete in nature, I would like to come back to Mulvey and portray how an active reading of women’s role within film can contribute in the process of questioning the very appropriateness of her “otherness”. In her analyses of cinema, Mulvey often takes psychoanalysis, quintessential product of a patriarchal reading of womanhood that identifies the woman as the “bearer of the bleeding wound” (Mulvey, 14) (the castrated man), Mulvey bends it to the advantage of her own critical reading of cinematic codes that perpetuate differentiation along gender lines. Taking in consideration Grace Kelly’s character in Hitchcock’s Rear Window, it is interesting too see how even though Modleski argues that the film revolutionizes the usually monolithic and exclusive presence of only the male gaze by playing with the character with which the audience identifies during the climax of the film, the film nevertheless concludes by having Grace Kelly “no longer representing sexual difference, nominating herself and speaking her own desire, […]. More clearly than most, the film’s ending and its “narrative image” of Lisa (Grace Kelly) in masculine drag reveals the way in which acceptable feminity is a construct of male narcissistic desire, …” (Modleski, 84). Here, Modleski negates her own argument that she makes in juxtaposition of Mulvey’s reading of the same film that sees “Lisa’s exhibitionism established by her obsessive interest in dress and style, in being a passive image of visual perfection; [in juxtaposition to] Jeffrey’s voyeurism and activity established through his work as a photojournalist, a maker of stories and captor of images” (Mulvey, 16). In casting Grace Kelly’s character as an objectified image, the position of women within a patriarchal reading of society is safely reintroduced, re-establishing and simplifying women’s role to a fetishist object meant for male pleasure. Mulvey summarizes this device of patriarchal manipulation by elucidating its workings within a psychoanalytical reading: “the presence of the female, using a phallic substitute to conceal or distract attention from her wound, haunts the male unconscious. The presence of the female form by no means ensures that the message of pictures and photographs […] is about women. We could say that the image of women comes to be used as a sign, which does not necessarily signify ‘woman’ any more than does Medusa’s head. The harem cult which dominates our culture springs from the male unconscious and the woman becomes its narcissistic projection” (Mulvey, 11). The phallic substitute here mentioned by Mulvey is established when at the end of the film, Lisa conforms to Jeffrey’s fears of her sexual difference, that are only muffled when she attempts to recreate the fantasy of the young-boy imagining woman not different from him and therefore ceasing to represent a threat of castration. But how can one dismiss that the film itself is a product of a patriarchal system that subjugates both men and women under its totalitarian determinations? One could argue, along the lines of Modleski argument, that the fantasy of Lisa being tamed into a surrogate man safe for Jeffrey’s masculine integrity is nothing but the manifestation of Hitchcock’s own issues with dealing with sexual difference and fear of identifying with the opposite sex. However, taking in consideration my previous examples of how pervasive and persuasive the influence of media can be in constructing and modifying the very perception of the pro-filmic subject, I am brought to think that the simplification of Lisa’s character down to a tamed rebel is symptomatic of a general tendency and fear in patriarchal organization of society. A fear that is seen disturbing the well established modes of production determined by the existence of heteronormativity and the paramount value of family as generator and perpetrator of capitalism. I recognize that I have only brushed the surface of the issues that make up the core of the means by which categories are determined, put in a hierarchy and administrated to the masses by means of media by the dominant ideology. However, I think that by introducing the reading of a prototypical sample of the way womanhood is approached and represented in films (e.g.: Hitchcock’s Read Window), I think I have made otherwise invisible dynamics jump to the eye of the audience that I hope will engage in a process of critical thinking when exposed to further cultural production promoted by patriarchy and aided by capitalism. Mulvey says that “by analysing pleasure, or beauty, destroys it” (Mulvey, 16). Nevertheless, it is my intention to support this approach and “leave the past behind without simply rejecting it, transcending outworn or oppressive forms, and daring to break with normal pleasurable expectations in order to conceive a new language of desire” (Mulvey, 16). Having very briefly looked at one example of how the image of womanhood is manipulated and tamed in order to be rendered acceptable within a patriarchal framework, I think that several avenues are opened for a critical thinker that is thus encouraged to look at the bulk of messages in media from a fresh perspective that ultimately allows one to progressively deconstruct the artificial nature of determinations in society and societal pre-established roles. Concluding, I would like to come back to my initial argument in which I have chosen to speak about the feminist reading of film and media in order to approach a broader topic. I like to think of the efforts that have been brought forward in the attempt to reformulate a cinematic language devoid of gendered determinants, as a breakthrough that will open the doors to a more generalized trend in society that will see the very existence of categories brought into question. It is beyond doubt that my examples of feminist reading of film are very partial being that they do not represent other categories that have been constructed and perpetuated by the dominant ideology. I also feel the need to stress that my outlook is a very Western one in nature, and it does not take in consideration the discourse of feminism and socio-cultural innovations in the Global South and in backgrounds different from the pseudo-secular post-Christian and post-modern environment in which I was brought up and shaped into a critical thinker. Nevertheless, I feel that the very trend of breaking down dichotomies, such as the one I have approached in this short essay of female vs. male, is very valuable because it opens up new horizons in other aspects of human rationality and perception of the world. By showing how such a basic categorization of humankind such as the one determined along gender lines might not be as natural as it might be represented by “film, as a primary vehicle of contemporary cultural mythology, which transforms the ideology of patriarchy and renders it invisible” (Cole, 135), I want to initiate a discursive practice in the viewer. I would like the sceptical questioning of “natural” determinations to be furthered and to encompass other categories such as race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, nationality, religion, etc. I would like to encourage the initiation of a global critical sense in spectatorship. I hope I was able to contribute to the achievement of an introspective insight in one’s fluidity of identity that will thus redefine the way we see each other. By showing the imperfections of our images in the mirrors of current society, I hope that a new breeze of relativism activates humankind and promotes a wave of social change taking in account the richness of everybody’s diversity and interrelatedness.
Apr. 12th, 2007 @ 03:09 pm
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| » Pre-spring Update |
I have not been posting in ages, and honestly, I do not really feel a burning need to do so either. I think I am in that stage when most things have been taken care of and most paths have been defined and now the only thing left to do is to wait for the outcome.
After my two months long affair with the bureaucracy of my university and my persistent call for additional scholarship, I still have not got a material outcome of my efforts. Things were promised by several people at different position at university, but so far I have only got 200$ as an immediate help. However, I tend to be an optimist and I think that there still is a very good chance I am going to get some additional funds by mid-March.
Apart from that, I am coping with an enormous amount of schoolwork and even though I have become an increasingly organized person ever since I have started living on my own 5 years ago, I am still not able to coordinate work, school and fundaraising activities at the same time without delays and frustration.
My classes are over by the 3rd of April and after that there is a short exam period that for me should be over by the 23rd. I still do not know where I am going to work this summer and I have to get started working on that as soon as possible because I cannot efford to loose any time that could be spent on making money.
Most likely I will spend my entire summer in Toronto again and that will make it two years since I have seen my hometown and my family. I don't think it is that much of a tragedy though, but sometimes the awkwardness that develops due to distance in relationships with close people from my family and my friends, becomes really disturbing and I wish I could at least had some money to visit my two sisters which are soon going to forget about my existence.
However, it could be much worse and I do not want to complain too much because I am presently in a much better place in life than couple of months ago. I am actively working on my psychiatric disorder and making small steps forward every day.
I am also getting a clearer picture of what I want to do with my career and that also takes some weight off my back. Spring has not begun yet and everything is still coated in snow and ice and that does not help my overall energy levels nor my health, but in general, I must say that I am getting used to this environment and lifestyle and I am learning how to make the best out of it.
However, I am really overloaded with commitments and things I need to get done as soon as possible that I unfortunately cannot reserve myself the privilege to waste time on livejournal.
Mar. 8th, 2007 @ 10:19 pm
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| » Who is it... |
To whomever my secret admirer might be...
Thank You!
But let me ask a question: do I know you personally? Do we even live in the same city? Have I ever met you?
Mar. 2nd, 2007 @ 05:05 pm
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| » Gradual Improvement |
These days I have been doing the following:
Acting in an absurdist play written by one of my friends: "Victor Tchaikovski and the Riddle Cave". We have two shows left this evening and tomorrow evening.
Helping in logistics with one of my friend's documentary shoots on washing machines and class privilege.
Got formal psychiatric disability at York that allows me to apply to a couple more scholarships and grants me the right to ask for extensions on assignments and exams without penalty.
Applied for various scholarships, bursaries and awards and written tons and tons of heartbreaking letters explaining why I am such a victim of the social system and why people should give me money.
Read several articles, essays and books and written several essays and commentaries and tried to catch up with all the assignments I did not have the time for before.
Had an argument with my psychiatrist and starting seeing a therapist that practicies talk therapy and art therapy for free, being that I am poor and below 25 and living in Toronto, which is a city of many free resources for people who know how to look for things.
Started liking winter and even though most of the city is covered in thick snow (about half a meter) and the temperatures are well below -10 pretty much all the time, there is beauty in nature's strenght over humanity.
I have also met many beautiful people and I am steadily enlarging my circle of friends and acquaintences which is a great help for my slow recovery process towards a normal life with bearable anxiety levels. As Jana says, a net of friends on the sides of the trampolin of life helps looking ahead with less stress.
The following couple of days and hours I will try to:
Finish my alternative film project.
Pitch for a documentary.
Write a good resume and distribute it to couple of people who showed interest in my skills.
Work on a paid project for my faculty.
Keep fighting for scholarship, bursaries and awards.
Find a new psychiatrist.
Try to borrow some money and give back the debt I have with my super-catholic family in the suburbs of Toronto.
***
These days I really do not have any time whatsoever so I am not reading anybody's livejournal nor updating mine all that often. In about a month, spring should slowly start showing its first signs and I should be able to get some more money and maybe a steady job. I feel like I am on a good track though, things are slowly changing, this time, after a long time, for the better.
Feb. 17th, 2007 @ 02:30 pm
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| » Time Managment |
For the last week the only thing I have been doing is organizing my time in order to somehow squeeze in all the commitments I have taken with people (I am acting in a friend's play and I have the leading role, I am also helping on a shoot of a documentary about washing machines and global income disparities), accademic assignments (of which there is no lack, being that the mid-terms are approaching) and fiting for some sort of support from my university in the form of a scholarship or a new, better paying, steadier job position.
I am exhausted to say the least, and on top of all this I am also planning my pitch for a documentary I would like to shoot in March and trying to cope with my psychiatric disorder, that is not even easy when one is alone and isolated, even with pills. To make it worse, since about 4 weeks ago, the temperatures suddendly dropped to -15 degrees and it hasn't since risen.
I have realized that a very tight routine, with well-defined meal times, sleeping hours and a super-scheduled active part of the day, helps me stay sane. I need a very precise and somewhat rigid structure in order to pull myself out of the shit in which I have been dwelling for the last couple of years of my life. I have two binders with colour coded compartments for each type of document or list I have included there. I have also bought several pieces of stationary to help me colour coding my diaries and calendars.
If my strategies prove to be effective, one day I will make money by writing a book about advanced time managment techniques, even though by the time I feel better I might be left-wing enough to bash the institution of editorial houses.
I will not write a lot more and will not update soon either. However, one day, when I will finally get back in sync with my idealized vision of what my life should be like, I will reclaim this web-space and exploit it for propagandistic purposes!
Feb. 5th, 2007 @ 07:11 pm
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