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Back in Croatia Feb. 10th, 2008 @ 03:41 am
Hey there,

Just in case anybdoy is around, I am back in Rijeka until the 19th of February.

I am very busy collecting documents, visiting dentists and family members, but in case you wanna go out for coffee you can reach me at several numbers.

You can try my Canadian cell: +1 647 895 5012
Or my mother's house: +385 51 681 871
Or my father's house: +385 51 224 749

Ok, will updated with photos once I am back to Canada!

2008 Jan. 8th, 2008 @ 10:57 pm
 I am not sure how to use this blog anymore and am increasingly skeptical about its efficacy when it comes in mantaining or developing genuine human relationships. Anyways, I will take advantage of this rare occassion that I have logged onto livejournal to very briefly summarize the last couple of months of my life.

Accident and Surgery

I have had an accident in late October and ever since I could not breathe properly and my nose was deformed, so on the 3rd of January I had a surgery during which they have reconstructed my nose from inside and outside. No worries, I still look amazing... haha!

Tomorrow morning I am going to go to the hospital so that they can take couple of plastic splint from my nasal cavity out and take the cast off the outer part of my nose. So tomorrow I will finally see what my new nose will look like.

I had surgery before but this time I was unreasonably anxious about the impact of anaesthesia. I do not like the feeling of the cool anaesthetic travelling up my blood vessels in my hand to my brain and do not like when they put the oxygen mask on you, even though you are not completely asleep yet.

However, I did wake up, and from then onwards I only had to endure couple of days of vomiting and pains and I am already doing much better now.

Wallet Theft

Another highlight of the last couple of months has been the theft of my wallet and along with it of many important and expensive to replace documents. I was working at university couple of weeks ago, when my coordinator asked me to look after my bag while I was giving a tour of the fine arts faculty facilities to couple of perspective students. While I was away, she left her office for couple of minutes to go to the washroom or whatever, and during that time somebody took advantage of her absence and stole my bag along with my wallet and the only copy I had of the documentary footage that I have collected over the last couple of months.

I was pretty upset by the entire fact, but things fall back into place, because the thief actually discarded my bag on the way out and only took the wallet, so that at least my documentary footage is still with me. For what it concerns the money and the documents, ever since I have been trying to get everything back to normal but of course, the theft and the surgery prevented me to go and visit my family in Croatia during the holidays season.

Relationship

For the last couple of months I have been in a committed, yet open, relationship with my partner who is several years older than me. Even though we had some ups and downs, this aspect of my life proves to be very positive and enabled me to reconsider several of my position in life. Along with a process of self-discovery, I have managed to reduce drastically on the dosage of my anti-depressants and am gradually expecting to go off them by March.

Another development that may take place along with the relationship with my partner, it has been almost 9 months by now, is that I might be able to ask for permanent residency on basis of a conjugal relationship, that does not necessarely imply neither formal marriage nor living together at this point of time. Acquiring permanent residency status would be something extremely positive being that my tuition fees would drop do be 32% of what they currently are and I would also be elegible for several scholarships, on top of being elegible to become a Canadian citizen within two year time.

Plans for the Future

At the moment I am taking things easy, working on my documentary, going to school, developing my relationship and amazing friendships I have acquired during the last couple of months (Magdalena, Stephanie, Owen, etc.) but apart from that I am trying to focus on how to make the present be more pleasant without putting too much pressure on myself and on the people around me.

I have recently bought an electric keyboard so that I can practice piano on regular basis, and am waiting impatiently to heal from my surgery so that I can continue singing with my jazz vocal private teacher that has told me that I have perfect pitch and on several occassions caused my ego to almost burst due to flattery!

Being that I was not able to go and visit Croatia during the holidays season, if I manage to win my battle with Alitalia and get the airmiles that I deserve being credited onto my account in time, I am planning onto going to visit Croatia for about two weeks in February. It would be great to meet any of you if you are there during that period so let me know.

Ok, for now that's it... I will still have to decide whether I think if livejournal is something that I want to keep going on with or not.

Talk to you soon,

René

Deleting my LJ Oct. 10th, 2007 @ 11:54 am
I have decided that I probably do not need this journal anymore. On top of not having time for it, lately I have been having a real life, filled with real people and tangible activities, and it just seems that I do not need an outlet that does not reach anybody who is anyhow involved in what is going on in my everyday life. As soon as I have some time I will probably store some entries and then delete this account.

In Australia on Vacation Sep. 4th, 2007 @ 07:07 pm
Just for those who may be wondering if I am still alive or not... from the 22nd of August I am finally on vacation and I have flown to Australia to visit my bestfriend misonou that lives here in Melbourne. I have lots of stories to tell however I have to little time here to be able to sit down in front of a computer and give a detailed account of what is going on. I will be posting lots of photos as soon as I download them on the computer.

I will be back in Toronto on the 11th of September.

Visa Delivered! Jul. 26th, 2007 @ 10:58 pm
Today, after a long day of work and lecture, I came home and on my door, there it stood in all of its magnificence... a package sent by the Australian High Commission in Ottawa, with my passport inside, on which, to my pleasure, I found an orange sticker allowing me to travel to Australia and stay there for three months at the time as many times I want in the next one year period. misonou was trying to scare me telling me that I was not going to be able to get my visa in time to catch my flight on the 23rd of August, and yet I got it in three business days, and even though I asked for a three weeks long visa, they gave it to me for a year! Sweet deal, eh?

Apart from that, I am almost done with my summer courses and by the 8th of August I will not have to worry about studying anymore. Around the same time I am also going to be over with my summer job that only extends up to the 10th of August, so I will have some time to get myself ready for my third year, to sort out my bureaucratic situation and see what I can do to get a permanent residency in Canada and try to find a good part time job, preferably at university for the coming school year.
Other entries
» Visa Time!
Tickets were bought, the itenerary is the following:

22nd August

Toronto --> Buffalo

23rd August

Buffalo --> Cleveland --> Los Angeles

24th August

Los Angeles --> Sydney

25th August

Sydney --> Melbourne

And then back to Toronto, leaving Melbourne on the morning of the 10th of September.

Due to my lovely citizenship and the way it is usually perceived by English speaking countries, I spent the last couple of days collecting documents and have a thick stuck of papers to send to the Australian Embassy in Ottawa so that they issue a tourist visa for me.

I think I should be fine, especially after having gone through the last big overview of every single piece of information tonight for hours. However, one never knows with the Australian Government, that is for some reason super strict on visas and immigration, as if somebody wanted to immigrate to a country that is 90% desert and has the highest amount of poisoness animals in the world, along with the fact that is one of the most isolated and culturally dull British colonies.

Anyways, my reasons for going there are the following:

1. Spend time with misonou;

2. Look at the starts one can see on the souther hemisphere;

3. Make sure that the toilet flushes the other way around due to the coreolis force in the southern hemisphere;

4. Establish how pervasive and obliterating English colonial culture is.

Tomorrow I will be sending all of the documents by super-expensive, fast and insured post! I am crossing my fingers and hoping to receive the visa in type for my journey on the 22nd!
» "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin
Among other things, I am reading Kate Chopin's "The Awakening". Chopin is a author from the central united states that rose to a considerable amount of fame in the St. Louis literary community at the end of the 19th century until the publishing of "The Awekening" has thrust her into oblivion due to the supposedly controversial themes she has approached in the novel.

I am at about 2/3 to the end of the novel so I would not want to give finalizing opinions and speak about impressions yet, however I find it significant that the fact that a woman writes about the female condition as being often excessively restrained and shaped by the institutionalization of love into marriage, might be something that creates such clamour.

I have never put too much interest thus far in exploring the attitudes and opinions towards sexual emancipation in Europe and other parts of the world until I started realizing that many modes of behaviour, legacies of a romantic understanding of human relationship, are still widely affecting society.

Especially when it comes to women, there is a general tendency that is not so different from Chopin's work even though it was published in the late 19th century, to think of a women as somewhat incomplete and partial if she does not associate to a male and perpetuates her maternal role.

Women claiming sexual agency are precipiteously labelled as whores and legislation is in place even nowadays to enable women to take part in a wider range of societal acitvities if married (cfr. applying for a loan, obtaining family and social recognition)...

It is almost as if the freelance woman, the empowered woman that has decided to break off her feminine role and explore her identity and sexuality in relation to her own body and desires is the devil that needs to be tamed in order to mantain the capitalist system running, reliant on mainly patriarchal reliance on a nuclear family.

The more I am aware of how much suffering and societal pressure is excersiced on women or on anybody that wants to play according to another set of rules diverging from the nuclear family mode, the more I am disgusted by humankind in general and the more I am hungry for knowledge in order to be less angry and more proactive eventually acquiring the faculties necessary for a proactive approach.

It is too early in the morning to expand on Chopin's text in detail and I have too many essays and readings to get done before starting working this evening that I wll for now abstein from feminist discourse, however, I must really say that I feel becoming more and more impowered by the material that we are covering in my summer courses studying the intersection of gender, society, sexuality and cultural production.
» Continent Number 4 on the Horizon!
Wow, I have not been updating this thing for such a long time that I barely recognize this website now that they have added all of these features. I never know how to fill the gap for the weeks of silence in which I have indulged and saying that I was busy always seems to be a simplistic excuse... but let's say that I am keeping myself busy so that I can prevent myself from thinking until I am ready to have some mental space on my own and probably make some decisions that are going to have an impact on my future.

I have not been having any psychiatric problems in the last couple of months and I have been able to have a decent amount of money flowing into my account at regular periods of time by working my ass off at two and a half jobs, that add up to about 60 hours of work per week.

I am also still taking 15 credits of summer courses and so far it seems that I am going to be scoring at least A's, so I cannot really complain. I must admit that I have proven to myself that I am able to be responsible and to provide for myself and this is slowly contributing to a positive cycle that seems to be elevating me to a higher degree of self-confidence that is something I desperately need after having had my brain disected by my family's bitterness and behavioural pathologies.

I am also in a stable relationship and I am having fun discovering how methodism can sometimes turn me in an extremely boring and asexual individual... but I will speak about this at a later point of time. For now I am focusing on getting everything done, school, jobs, visas, plans, etc. so that ont he 23rd of August I can leave for Australia.

Yup, I am indeed going to Australia to visit Jana for little more than two weeks before starting my third year. Financially it is suicide, but I have an organic and compulsive need to reset certain behavioural and mental patterns and get in touch with myself and people who are important in my life in order to be genuinely able to restructure my existence.

Ok, this is it for now. My shift at the restaurant was cancelled tonight, so I will take advantage of that and study in advance for the next couple of days so that I avoid cramming at the last moment! I am such a good boy! So diligent and proper! I do not even masturbate anymore! I really need a vacation!!!
» Almost Summer
Dear friends and foes,

I am still alive, working my ass off but generally enjoying my life. Summer is in full blown and everything is intensely green and scented. Toronto comes back from the death every May and blossoms in the most beautiful place I have ever lived in, only to return to a state of complete depression and greyness 6 months later, returing to its winter appearence.

I am working at the Fine Arts Faculty of my university and having quite a bit of fun. I am advising students picking their courses and therefore helping people shaping their future in a certain sense. It feels good to work with people who often have similar interests to mine and I also feel great to be allowed to work in a somewhat more relaxed atmosphere than last's summer job at Hospitality York that contributed to my total mental breakdown last fall.

On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays I am taking summer courses, both out of personal interest and because I have to increase my average, which is currently in th B+ range, back to an A, so that I can be re-assigned my $11,000 scholarship for my third year. I am taking very interesting courses studying concepts of gender, sexuality and sex from a philosophical, historical, literary and sociological point of view.

On weekends I am working as a caterer and this sunday I am going to sit for my bartending exam and hopefully pass it so that I can start making tons of money in tips in some pub or club downtown.

My life is pretty circular and busy in nature, so there is not much I can write about apart from the everyday serendipitous sprouts of random beauty that are always there for those who look for the in the world.

Jana, I am sorry for not keeping in touch but I often think about you and I will call you as soon as I have some spare time and money.
» Mass Message
To friends on all continents and beliefs, I am so sorry if I have dissapeared from your lives but lately I have been extremely busy even though I have been feeling very good.

I am working full time for the Fine Arts Department at my university and I am also taking three summer courses in order to increase my grade point average so that my scholarship is renewed for my third year.

I am also taking a bartending course during the weekends and I as soon as I am done with it I will start looking for a job in a pub or fancy restaurant so that I can make some extre money in tips.

I have lots of debts and I am still trying to coordinate a humble life and diet with a very busy lifestyle, that is why my presence on the internet is very reduced and I am barely using livejournal anymore.

However, as soon as I stabilize a little, I will start posting with a degree of regularity again. Hope you are all having a great summer and that everything is fine with you, and for those who live in the southern hemisphere, haha, I am happy it is finally cooling down for you... you deserve some winter!
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